rindu serindu-rindunya

dah tiga ari aku rase idup aku tak tenteram...aku tak tau naper...gi keje tak kena, tensen semacam.. muka masam semacam..suma nyer gara2 aku ader krisis ngn jiwa aku ni..aper yg tak kena pun tah la...aku pening dgn diri aku sendiri..aper yg aku cari dlm hidup aku sebenarnya...aku ader family..aku ader dwit, aku rase aku ader ape yg aku nk...tapi hati aku tak tenteram mcm aku kat uia dulu..aku rase enviroment kat uia tu wat kan aku tenang..even aku tensen tahap nk bunuh diri sbb nk sdh assgmnt...aku tenang jer.

but when i came back to penang..everything change..mcm aku ckp td...suasana lain..aku ngn mak n abah tapi aku tak bebas berlari..dgn suasana kat uia..walau pun giler..aku rase freedom tu ader pader aku..nk gi bank, nk gi jj, klcc..aku bkn wat per pun...bkn wat benda jahat..it just sometime u need time to think..need to go to this kind of places..kalu ikot aku, aku rindu pada pangkor walau kat situ takde per time kol 8 mlm.. aku rindu kat genting..there are places that i wanted to go...to clear my head...aku pun tak tau ape aku nk clear dlm otak aku....

whatever it is...aku kena clear mind aku..dah overlimit....overexposed....nk meletop dah ni..aku nk tido la senang..gud nite....sok ari baru...rindu aku pada ari yg sudah2...rindu sgt2..tp kita dah takleh nk undur masa...RINDU... SERINDU_RINDUNYA.....

i'll leave when the wind blow....

its been few days since i'm writting something here...mcm2 nk tulis sebenrnya..tp x terjangkau dek fikiran aku..biar nukilan kenangan tu cuma ader dlm kotak hati & fikiran aku...i wanted to wite it down but..aku tak tau camner nak start..huhu...agaknya sebab letih sgt keje kot..

ckp pasal keje..everything was fine dgn keje and of cuz...bila dah keje angkat2 call especially when kena jwb call from australia & new zealand mmg complicated.. kalu setakat kena maki tu biasa la...kalu sehari tak kena perkataan "fucking bitch", "moron", "idiot"...haper lagi..." i wanted to talk to your supervisor, ur manager, ur director..." cam $#56%*&&^&* jer aku nk maki customer tu blk...but memikirkan aku cari rezeki...bwat bodo jer la...and last week memang aku tak tahan sgt...tensen...angin aku dok naik time tu..hormon tak stabil... perut aku pun ngh sakit...nk nngs jer raser...apa aku nk wat..nk lepaskan tensen...nk call mak abah aku.. hmmm..tak patut....nk call kawan2 aku..lagi tak leh..suma dok ader kelas..adik aku..ader kelas gak..sat dier kater aku tak betul lak..tepon dier....lastly, aku dail la gak no dier... mula2 takde saper angkat..so, i was like.. he never gonna ring me back..but then, elok kau nk balik gi ofis..he ring back...tuhan jerk yg tau betapa leganya kau time tu...dpt gak kau dgr suara dier...

alhamdullillah..his fine...glad to hear his voice...relief giler..dah puas sembang..(sbnrnya tak puas pun - nk sembang lagi)..continue my work....then go back home...at 4pm...and the next morning...call him again to asked about the celcom no..lega gak bila dia kater i can use my no back & and i msj him a tq note.... yup..really lega coz..tu jerk one and only kenangan yg ader...sooooooooo..saturday, cat umah...arrrgggghhh letih la..then gi makan sup ekor.."sup hamid" - the best sup in town kat penang ni...then sleep..

the next morning.....sunday..wake early..maleh giler, go to karnival sukan...ringan2kn klpa otak...at least tak tensen kan memikirkan masalah jiwa and otak...meet mama..she keep asking about him...i dunno what i suppossed to said............just diam jerk..just cakap dier chat..mama..suh kim salam kat dier lak...hmmm.. best gak lepak2 ngan anak2 buah..yg plg besh dapat jumpa badut "MR.B"..hahahaha...funny guys la MR.B ni... budak2 suma dpt belon sorang satu...and of cuz aku tak dapt belon la..

then..aku ingat tak nak la pikir pasal abg..then he call.."bby plz topup for me..abg ader masalah besar ni, tgh2 utan ni xde kedai tpup" bila pikir balik, saper suh keje kat tgh utan tu kan....then..i was really curious..aku ader wat salah per lak...pastu dier dier ckp...its all started with my sms yesterday morning.... ahhhh, great....aku gak yg salah..salah dier pun sama gak...ok.. both of us amitted we make the mistake... gud...mengaku pun dua2 org salah...and that evening....aku bercakap ngn dier thru phone for almost 1 hour..lama gak tuh...arrgggghhhhh.......really miss him....camner ni....??????

based on the conversation ari tu....one day, he gonna totally leave me...maybe i'm gonna totally leave him.. i dunno..but..slowly....kadang2 takdir tu tak terucap...ajal, maut, jodoh..ALLAH yg maha mengetahui...i'm gonna leave this world...i'll leave when the wind blow..take a breath and there it goes...i'll be outside of ur window..i'll pass but i'll go slow..I'LL LEAVE WHEN THE WIND BLOW.......

masih jelas..aku masih cinta...

tik..tik..tik..waktu berdetik..tak bisa ku hentikan..maumu jadi mauku..pahit pun itu ku tersenyum..
kamu tak tahu hatiku saat berhadapan kamu..

tik..tik...tik...air mataku..biar terjatuh dalam hati..
mau ku tak penting lagi..biarku buat bahagiamu...

kamu tak tahu..rasanya hatiku..saat berhadapan kamu..
kamu tak bisa bayangkan jadi diriku..yang MASIH CINTA...

kamu tak tahu hancurnya hatiku..saat berhadapan kamu..
kamu tak bisa bayangkan jadi diriku yang MASIH CINTA...

NURIN + RAIHAFIS = NURIN RAIHAFIS 4 EVA IN HEART (-_-)

dream catch me when i'm fall...

early in the morning...i wake up after tired painting my room....i painted my room "PINK"...will painting the room, i remember my teacher saying that the colour PINK used to be painted in the room of the phychotic person.. hmm..i guess i'm a physcotic person...really need to rest..really need the peace of mind..

i'm really tired of my work..i need to perform well tomorrow...kalu tak..mati..i'm going to be fired..need to get the target... then my brain is tired..don't know why.. mase study dulu takde pun penat sampai camni..i guess bile kita sentiasa bersama-sama dgn org yg bleh kita count on to...it really help us a lot...now...u have to do it on ur own.. even ur mom and dad are always beside u...everyone is behind me..i'm still feel really empty..i can't believe i'm falling this hard... just wish my dream can catch me when i'm fall....

sometimes i keep thinking...everything that i do..why i do it??? should i do it...???? should i let everything falling apart or should i fix it... the decision that i made in my life...is the decision really true??

and this morning...i made the stupid thing again..for answering "YES" for the question that i should be saying "NO"..what a stupid decision i made...

sometimes i feel that i'm just like this little squirrel...i need someone to hold me.. the little squirrel is in the hand of him....he love the squirrel very much..each time he go to work..he hope that the little squirrel will always keep him company.. i'm like the squirrel..will and waiting for him...every single day... just waiting for him to hold me in his hand again..well, i guess it will never happen again.. he completely ignoring me now...and the little squirrel..

so the little squirrel cry all night..every day...but the little squirrel never losing her hope... the little squirrel will keep waiting at the tree...i also will not losing hope...waiting for the day...

dream..plz catch me again...i'm falling...everytime i cry...i just have my dream to keep me going...ALLAH help me to walk thru this journey...keep moving on...NURIN RAIHAFIS even u have to walk alone !!!!!

thinking of you

so i have been working for about 2 to 3 days now...well i'm start at 6 in he murning...huhu.. the moment i start my work..i can't remember any thing..i can even answer my hp & even a mesej.. of cuz la i'm new kan...sobnyk lagi nk kena blajar kat situ....so nk p toilet pun pikir 2 3 kali...hehe
when the call start pouring in, i'm gonna be really bz...emel lagi nk kena balas....penat siot (-_-)

so when i come bck from work, i keep thinking about him.."dah makan ke mamat tu?, keje ker dia ari ni??, apasal tak suh aku share crdt??"...tu la soklan lazim yg bermain2 dlm kepala otak aku...it keep repeating in my mind..sah2 aku mmg obsess dgn mamat ni...after everything that we been thru..ingat senang ke aku nk lupa suma...the answer is NO!!!!!!... lmbt kot aku nak lupakan org...i'm kindda person yg kalu dh kenal seseorg tu, aku nak tau habis-habisan..

after few days xmenyusahkan idop mamat tuh, maka aku pun call la dier..xkeje rupanyer dier, siap jln2 lagi tuh....ayat yg ternyiang-nyiang kat telinga aku is " bby, try la cari org lain yg lebih baek dr abg, "....YES..i gonna find someelse...but taktau bila la...sbb...I HAVE LOCKED MY HEART-and at this moment only he have the KEYS to my heart....smpi bila aku nk jadik camni...tgk la camer nnt kn....WHO KNEW.....

"you're like an Indian summer in the middle of the winter...like a hard candy with a suprise center..how do i get better once i've had the best...you said there's tons of fish in the water..so the water i will test....

cause when i'm with him..i'm thinking of you..what you would do if..you were the one who was spending the night..i wish that i was looking into ur eyes...won't you walk through & bust in the door & take me awy..no more mistake..CUZ IN UR EYES I'D LIKE TO STAY...."

public enemies...huhu

so...yesterday, i when to wtch a movie 'Public Enemies'..the story kindda boring but watching johnny deep is not so boring la..dah al pegi sorang2...boring siot dok umah..tak letih pun dok umah..it just..my mind n may soul were not at home la..coz i really miss KL and UIA a lot...4 years being away from home..make me more stronger when i'm in KL...in Penang..u grow up here..lepak here...yes this is the best place to be..but the best place to leran about life is in KL...KL street and KL life give u time to learn, time to grow...more matured..when were at home.. everything was made by your mom...you dad want to send you where u want to go..no freedom..coz some time in life..when u are already 24..u need some privacy in life..ur life can't be public..especially to ur mom n dad..they still open my letter...even my bills...huhu..i guess my mom and dad is my no one public enemy...sometimes, there are few story that u can only share with ur frend..but not ur mom and dad..watching public enemies all by urself is really boring though...some more, its rainning outside...heavy pouring rain...huhu... cold and alone...lonely and pathethic i feel myself...hmm..i guess looking for new life is not easy as i thought after...u know that the person that u love the most in this world don't love u anymore....loitering around the shopping mall alone also such a stupid thing to do...but at least i'm having peace in my mind....looking back on the mistake that i have done...trying to think straight again...i just need to move on...move along now...if only he knew that i'm so lonely without him by my side..

aper yg aku cari???

well..pagi smlm patut nyer kau gi bersuka ria kat taman negara, penang..memang dah plan pun nk p sungai tukun...nak mandi sungai...dah lama kot tak mandi sungai..huhu..
tapi hapakan daya..aku ader interview keje lak...cehh...sudah terpotong cita2 kau nak terjun sungai sambl wat aksi yg berputar2 di udara...
maka aku pun pi la intrw yg tak seberapa tu...ati aku dok ingat kat sungai tukun tu jerk...
saat tu aku dah bygkan yg ucop sedang melompat2 masuk lam air...kerol, asri..itah..hazirah.. ceh..ati aku membentak2 gitu..huhu..
sampai ja kat Dell aku yg comei ni pun...pi la jmp guard kt pondok dier..dh tak tau jalan nk masuk..dah amik ic la..segala mak nenek suma..abg tu tnjk jln..siap bg ucapan ringkas tok aku.. "adik, semoga dpt keje..sok mai keje leh la jmp abg..!"...
ke situ la ayat pak guard tu...lantak ko la abg guard..aku pun berjalan la pi dlm bngn tu..
dah intrw punya pnjg..aku dok ingat tak dapat dah la...yelah..ati dok ingat kat sg. tukun tu..
balik dr intrw....dlm kol 3ptg camtu..aku dpt call...AKU DAPAT KEJE TU..hah?????
biar betoi...rezeki aku kot..alhamdullilah..hmmm..apa lagi yg aku cari???
condition tmpt tu pun ok jerk...so next week aku dah start keje...siap bos bg warning keje aku mmg akan STRESS giler...ok2..aku dh kecut..tapi xpe la...nk cari duit punya pasal..
so.....aku pun bg tau la kt insan tersayang aku (sometimes kau pikir gak, dia syg aku ker?)...well dia just ckp "slmt berkeje bby"...
hmmmm...leh la..dr dia tak wish per2 lnsg...huhu..ader la smngt ckit nk keje..leh la byr bil aku yg bertimbun tu..
smlm pun aku der tnya dia, aku ni bnyk ke susahkan dier..dah dia kata xde sshkn dier.. sometimes aku pun konfius dgn life aku..aper yg aku cari sebenarnya??? apa yg aku nak????
kdg2 aper yg aku rancang tak semua jdk kenyataan....takdir tuhan yg tentukan..tapi kalu bkn aku yg ubah idup aku..bukan aku yg ubah takdir aku..aku tak kan smpi or jdk diri aku skrg..
apa yg aku cari sebenarnya???

my obssession

my obssession towards him can't be change...
camner nak ubah aku pun tak tau..i'm confius..
i love him toooo much kot...last2 aku gak yg susah.. huhu...
i just can't stop loving you..at the moment aku try lupakan dier..
but i can't..mati aku camni..setakat ni xde lgi insan yg leh buka pintu hati aku yg keras cam ais ni..
ni ler manusia pertama (gmbr kat sblh ni) yg dpt cairkan hati aku yg sejuk n keras ni...huhu..
saper suh dia cari pasal..aku pun sama gak..saper suh aku cari pasal..kang dah tak leh tinggal dah..huhu.. otak aku dh blur..nk kater aku menyesal..tak pun...
aku just leh kater...sbb insan ni lah, dia yg kenalkan aku erti cinta...
for that love...i'm giving u credit...hehe...ur love give me life.. even aku dah ader idup..but it become more colourful when u were there...
my life is colourless, when u said..u can't stay...huhu..
this is the story of my obssession, my love and passion..
all i can said is..

In our darkest hour
In my deepest despair
Will you still care?
Will you be there?
In my trials and my tripulations
Through our doubts and frustration
In my violance
In my trubulence
Through my fear and confession
In my anguish and my pain
Through my joy and my sorrow
In the promise of another time
I'll never let you part
For you always in my heart..